Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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