we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
