hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
