She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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