Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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