just come out here and I will go home with you...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
