Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
