My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
