capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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