why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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