I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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