my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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