if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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