Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
