This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
