Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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