Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
