I want to walk on stilts...naked
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
