It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
