I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
