that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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