My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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