I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
