I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
