You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
