My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
