And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize