by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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