saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize