I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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