Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
