wakey wakey hands off snakey
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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