You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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