you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
