I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize