I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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