no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
