Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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