I wannas sexs uuuuu
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
