my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
