roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
