okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
