THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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