Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
