I must be too annoying 4 u.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Quick, to the slutcave!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
