it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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