You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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