you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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