I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
