Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
barbara walters just said penis...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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