i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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