New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize