omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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