That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
