No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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