My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
