Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
