he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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