you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
