everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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