exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
