from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
