i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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