just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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