Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
