he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You don't make any sense
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