I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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