so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
