Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
