Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
