I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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