so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
