If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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