My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
