DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
