I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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