I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
