You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
