Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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