i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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