Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
