Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
