you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
