These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
