im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
