Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
