omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
