Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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