I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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