u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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