So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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