she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
