i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
