i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
