yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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