Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
