I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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