Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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