Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
