I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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